Motivation Downfall

Throughout my adolescence living in Torrance I was always pretty motivated to do something big. For example, when I was younger I would spend 40 hours a week at the gym so that I could become a professional Olympic gymnast. That dream died off when I quit at 12 years old but it was soon replaced with another dream. This sort of thing happened all throughout my life. At one point I wanted to be a rapper, then I wanted to be a DJ, later it was a programmer/hacker and now I want to be a videographer and/or writer that surfs whenever I get the chance… Every time I find a new hobby I become extremely passionate about it and I want to make a name for myself doing whatever it is. For the last 4 years I’ve focused on filming and editing videos. One of the main reasons I moved to France was to be closer to the rest of Europe in order to travel and film for cryin’ out loud. But when I got to France it seemed like I had no more motivation pursue all of the plans I had and do the things I hoped to do. Here’s why…

When I got to France I got really depressed. I assume it was the same for many of my peers from high school when they went to college. It was far from home, I didn’t have any close friends yet, family wasn’t close, I hardly knew the language yet, the weather was a lot colder, school started off boring and so on. I honestly thought I had made the wrong decision going to France. These thoughts, along with me crying (because I cry all the time) gave me an excuse not to work. As I laid in my bed watching Netflix the whole day I would tell myself that it was okay to just sit there and not work on the 5 videos from the summer that I had to edit because I was feeling sad and lonely. It turned into a bit of a downward spiral. I kept making excuses for myself and since around October I still haven’t edited and posted any new content.

Along with the depression, I also started to notice a lack of interest from other people, which is one of the things that motivates me the most. Before, when people saw my videos I would get major feedback. People would express to me how stoked they were to see my videos. They would tell me what they liked and what maybe I should change and it was so incredibly helpful. I strived off of that. When I moved, I noticed an incredible change in the dynamic of my viewers. There were lots of reasons why. The 9-hour time change was a big reason and the fact that I was just less relevant because I wasn’t around all of the time. I didn’t keep in touch with as many people as I did when I was back home because they were just busy with other things. The lack of interest is no one’s fault, I’m not trying to blame my viewers. I just didn’t wrap my head around the fact that life goes on and people move on until it was too late and I was putting myself down for not getting and feedback. Instead of focusing on my new audience, I was dwelling on the past and it made me completely lose motivation to do anything.

The last reason that I haven’t had much motivation lately is because the french culture is a lot less of a “you can do anything you put your mind to” culture. In America, I was always told that I could accomplish any dream as long as I kept working towards it and didn’t give up. We were given about a billion examples of how this kind of thinking worked out for people when we were in school. Martin Luther King Jr., Eminem, N.W.A., Ellen and so on… Those were weird examples but you know what I mean. These people didn’t let obstacles stop them from doing what they intended to do. All this to say that I, like many others, was always raised to believe that I could do anything. When I was little I started DJ-ing school dances and parties. When I was into computers I started a club at my school to teach others about computers. With videos I always posted everything on youtube and promoted however I could to get my stuff out there and get other jobs through it. When I moved to France though I just didn’t feel that same support. The mindset feels more like “coloring in the lines”. My mom says that French people always say that American people are crazy because we feel like we can do anything. And it’s funny because I totally get understand that now. When I’m there I feel like I’m going to business school so I should go to school and do things that other college students do like go to apartment parties and eat McDonald’s and stuff.

Again, I’m not trying to blame other things for my own lack of motivation. I know that it’s my fault. I let everything influence my goals and my plans for the future. I got lazy and comfortable with doing nothing. Luckily, I realized that these are the roots for my lack of motivation and that it’s on me to not fall into a downward spiral due to my environment. I got into a bit of a funk but I’m looking to snap out of it. Look out for more videos, more blog posts and maybe some new stuff coming soon…

Related Post

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.