Tinder LOLS

When I went back home for a couple of months I got to hang out with a bunch of my friends and hear all of their college stories. One thing that was a common theme was Tinder. In the US Tinder is a big thing on college campuses. It’s really convenient because everyone is pretty much living right next to each other which means with Tinder you can find people really close by that are just as horny as you are. Okay, Tinder isn’t ALL about sex but let’s be honest the majority of people on Tinder are not looking for love. Anyways, my friends all joined and told me all about it. They said that they hadn’t really found many eligible bachelors yet but it didn’t matter because it was still just fun to swipe through hot (or not so hot) guys. After hearing all of these stories and “perks” of Tinder, I was convinced to join. I have to say it was pretty fun while I was home but when I got back to France it was definitely different.

While swiping through Tinder in the US you will find a bunch of funny stuff. The best thing is when guys use funny pick up lines or follow the Tinder trends that start. One of the trends was guys posting a picture of their dog as one of the photos and then mentioning it in their bios. I guess the cuteness of one’s dog helps a guy seem more attractive or caring by the transitive property. Personally, I don’t get it because I’m not really a dog or animal person in general but I guess it works. Another trend that I came across a bunch was guys named “Jesus” that had a bio such as, “Swipe right if you need a little Jesus in you” or “I would die for you so you know I’m committed.” The first “Jesus” I saw I thought was pretty funny but after seeing the same thing over and over it gets old. There are also some guys that will have photos with a baby and immediately your reaction is, “HELL NO” but then you read the bio and it says, “That’s not my kid” and then you think to yourself, “Hmmm… well… nope that’s still a no.” Honestly guys, I don’t know why anyone would put a baby in their profile, especially for the age range I was looking at (18-22) that just freaks a girl out. I mean does that ever work? Even for older guys, is that really one of the first things that you want a girl to know about you? I mean in real life isn’t that something you tell people on the 3 or maybe 4th date? I don’t know. There are also some really creepy bios that make you kind of do a double take like, “wait did I really just read that.” One that stood out to me said, “I may not be CPR certified but I’ll give you mouth to mouth while your unconscious.” Maybe I just don’t understand what this guy was trying to say but to me that means that he pretty much would rape me in my sleep… And that is some pretty serious and dark shit, like what? There are plenty others but I should stop here or else I could go on forever.

The best part is when the guys would message me for the first time with some clever pick up line. One guy started off the conversation saying that he, “hope’s the C and L are silent” in my name (Chloe). So pretty much this guy tried to make an impression on me by saying he hopes I’m a hoe. Awesome. Then there was someone that gave me three questions to answer and after I answered he said that my application had been sent and would be reviewed in the next couple days to be considered for the position as his girlfriend. He never texted me back so I guess I didn’t get the position. I’m kind of butt-hurt about it… Another guy kicked off the convo by asking what I wanted from Whole Foods. It totally reminded me of that video reviewed by Cody Ko called “THAT’ CRINGE: you“. If you haven’t seen it, go check it out I guarantee you will laugh. Anyways, there are some pick up lines that make you just kinda go “hah” but not actually laugh. Like hah, that was not funny but I’ll give him credit for creativity. One guy said, “I would totally take you to the movies but I would get caught bringing a snack”. See what I mean, hah. I’m pretty sure everyone has figured out how to sneak snacks into the movie by now so it just doesn’t really work. I also got, “what’s cookin’ good lookin'” a couple of times where I proceeded by saying “meth” because I thought I was funny (hah). I’m sure if you’re a girl and your on Tinder you’ve at least seen a couple of these.

Swiping through a bunch of different guys and getting an occasional laugh was fun when I was back home. Not to mention the confidence booster when matching with a hot guy. So granted, I was excited to see the pool of guys when I got back to France. Unfortunately, I was pretty disappointed. First of all, in France Tinder is not as common as it is in LA or on college campuses in general. I guess there is a huge disadvantage population wise so less guys in general means less tinder users. In the US, it used to be shameful to have Tinder because it is a dating app and by large dating apps are frowned upon. But people eventually kind of got over that. In France, it is still really looked down upon. Also the French are just a whole lot more judgmental. And obviously, no one wants to be judged so people just tend to stay off Tinder. That’s not to say that there is no one on the app though. It still took me a minute to swipe through the 18-22 year olds in the area but I found nothing really interesting. I found some cuties but there were no funny bios, no clever phrases or pick-up lines. I was pretty bummed out about it. Going on Tinder stopped being fun because there was nothing interesting. Conversations with a guy generally started out with “Hey how’s it going” and ended with “are you looking for a relationship with Tinder or do you just want to have a little fun.” Also, the language barrier (that I mentioned in “I can’t write that well in French… Yet) didn’t help because the conversation stayed pretty simple on the guys end and my end. So I turned off my profile and it’s been in ghost mode pretty much since I got back.

Tinder is interesting, it’s definitely a lot of fun but I never actually met with any of the guys I talked to. Either they were too far away or either one of us lost interest before getting to that point. From my time on Tinder though, I do have a couple pieces of advice. First, don’t swipe too fast. Sometimes when you get in a rhythm of quickly swiping left (lets be honest there’s more ugly guys than cute ones), you end up swiping past some cute guys and thinking “CRAP”. Second, if you’re on Tinder be careful who you’re meeting up with. Maybe don’t go to his house or let him come to yours on the first dates. You never know what could happen. And lastly, don’t let people get you down about having Tinder. Honestly, if you’re having fun then who cares! Girls, enjoy those ab pics, guys enjoy whatever you like on best about Tinder and swipe safe my friends.

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